Jeroen Breukels:
Hi, this is jeroen.
Voice on the other side:
Sir! Good afternoon and congratulations!
Jeroen Breukels:
Thank you! now tell me why you are congratulating me.
Voice on the other side:
Sir, are you aware what supports you every single day of your life? What is always there for you?
Jeroen Breukels:
You better not say "god" to me.
Voice on the other side:
Even better. Your floor sir! Your floor is like a steady rock in your home experience.
Jeroen Breukels:
no shit eh..
Voice on the other side:
Sir, for something so significant in your life, it deserves to be taken care of and to be nurtured. It is the least we can do! don't you agree?
Jeroen Breukels:
Are we still talking about my floor?
Voice on the other side:
Most definately. We provide the means to you for taking care of your floors. with special high-grade oils from India, we are able to transform your wooden floors into a gorgeous wonder of interior decor.
Jeroen Breukels:
That would be quite a trick....
Voice on the other side:
Yes wouldn't it!
Jeroen Breukels:
... especially considering I have carpet throughout my house.
Voice on the other side:
*silence* ...... Sir, do you mean to tell me you have not experienced the joy of genuine wooden floors? The material from the bussem if mother nature itself??
At this point, i can tell she's switching into telemarketing overdrive. the fact that she gets so over excited can mean but two things. She is either genuinely passionate about wooden floors... or she is so used to be blown off in seconds, this is the longest conversation she has ever had with a potential client, she smells success. Little does she know, her enthusiasm over something so mundane as a wooden floor has spiked my curiosity into the mind of this voice on the other side of the phoneline. What goes on in her head??? we continue
Jeroen Breukels:
No I have no wooden floors, perhaps the red cross can be of assistence to undo this injustice!
Voice on the other side:
haha sir, you are funny. but a wooden floor is no laughing matter. Neither is the fact that you are extemely lucky.
Jeroen Breukels:
Really? Just a second ago i was doomed.
Voice on the other side:
On the contrary, I can make you an offer you cannot refuse. If you decide now, i can offer you a spectacular deal on our royal castle hardwood floorsystem.
Jeroen Breukels
Your floor is a "system"?
Voice on the other side:
Yes, it may sound expensive, but it is guaranteed to last at least fifty years!!
Jeroen Breukels:
Good god woman! fifty years? Let me ask you something. How old are you?
Voice on the other side:
eh.. 22.
Jeroen Breukels:
Now imagine all the things you have done so far. Al your years from kindergarten to now... all the joys.. all the sorrows... the summers and the winters.... 22 years is a pretty long time right?
Voice on the other side:
Eh, yes.....
Jeroen breukels:
Can you name one material thing that has been constant through all that time. something you have owned for the entire 22 years?
Voice on the other side:
eh..... no.....
Jeroen Breukels:
And you are telling me to buy something that lasts more than twice your age?? Seriously, in 50 years, I will be 82 years old! I will have lived an entire lifetime, travelled millions of kilometers, had thousands of meals and loved a lifetime. and you are telling me that through this entire lifetime, i will be sitting on the same wodden floor???
Voice on the other side:
eh.. well sir, you have to understand....
Jeroen Breukels:
Hang on there .... imagine I am on my floor at 80 years old! can you imagine me calling you up: Yeah remember you sold me this floor 48 years ago? well, i just made a dent!! can you come over and replace my floor please? Yeah I know you are 70 years old, but you promised!!!
Voice on the other side:
Well we have....
Jeroen Breukels:
Do you have even the faintest inkling how stupid an argument it is to say a freakin floor will last 50 years? Its me giving you unlimited access to mars! its a really big place, you know! Moronic!
Voice on the other side:
*silence*...
Jeroen Breukels:
Bushfires, vulcanic eruptions, quicksand, body lice, evil spirits, grid lock, acid rain, continental drift, labor violence, flash floods, rabbies, bad luck, calcium deficiency, falling rocks, cattle stampeeds, bank failures, evil neighbors, killer bees, organ rejection, toxic waste, unstable dynamite, religious fanatics, heat, moral decay, hotel fires, loss of face, stink bombs, the plague, failures of will, chain reactions, foot rot, voodoo curses, broken glass, snake bites, public ridicule, breach of contract, random violence, family scandals, charletans, structural defects, race riots, sunspots, rogue elephants, wax buildup, frostbite, metal fatigue, sneak attacks, peer pressure, birth defects, false advertisement, unfaithful children, corporal punishment, vigilantes, financial ruin, mildew, loss of priviliges, drugs, wide spread chaos, stray bullets, runaway trains, chemical burn, locusts, food poisoning, shipwrecks, prowlers, faulty stairs, carbon deposits, escaped maniacs, sunburn, abandonment, poor workmanship, absentee landlords, solitary confinement, depletion of the ozone layer, intestinal bleeding, loss of equilibrium, disgruntled worshippers, global warming, large sharks, rotten meat, broken promises, contamination of the wattersupply, nuclear winter, wayward girls, mutual assured destruction, rqampaging moose, cluster headaches, social isolation, lou garrets desease, the contraction of the universe, papercuts, eternal damnation, the wrath of god and paranoia! and through all that which life will throw at me....... you are actually telling me...... that the one thing which will be there no matter what... the one thing which will keep me sane..... is my damn hardwood floor????
Voice on the other side:
Well... eh.....
Jeroen Breukels:
I suggest this is wherewe hang up the phone. Hang up the phone and get another job!
Voice on the other side:
I see... oh my...
Jeroen Breukels:
I know, its a shock to suddenly see.
Voice on the other side:
wow... i need...
Jeroen Breukels
Yes you do. I wish you the best of luck.
That last sentence was in vain as the connection was already broken from the other end and ony a beep was to be heard. my work was done! I can't wait for the next telemarketer to call me *GRIN*
~Jeroen Breukels
